You've decided you want spiritual direction. Maybe you've been circling it for months, or maybe you reached a point where something in your life made it obvious you needed this kind of support. Either way, you're at the stage most people find unexpectedly difficult: choosing the right person.
The problem is that spiritual directors are not regulated the way therapists are. There's no universal licensing body, no standard directory, no easy filter for "qualified" vs. "not." Someone can call themselves a spiritual director with a weekend certification or with decades of supervised formation — and the difference is significant.
These five questions cut through the noise. Ask them before you commit to any spiritual director, and pay close attention to how they respond — not just what they say.
Before the Questions: What You're Actually Looking For
A good spiritual director is not a life coach, a pastor, a therapist, or a spiritual teacher. They're a trained companion for your interior life — someone who can hold steady with you as you pay attention to what's moving in you, what you're avoiding, and what might be calling you forward.
The relationship requires trust, consistency, and fit. These questions help you assess all three — before you've invested time and emotional energy in the wrong relationship.
What is your training and formation in spiritual direction?
Spiritual direction is a craft that requires sustained, supervised formation — not just a theology degree or a pastoral background. The best directors have completed a formal training program (typically 1–2 years) that includes supervised practice, peer reflection groups, and regular engagement with their own director.
Ask specifically about their training program, how long it was, and whether they continue to receive supervision and their own direction. Active engagement in ongoing formation is a sign of seriousness about the work.
Names a recognized formation program, mentions the length, and describes ongoing supervision or peer reflection. Is comfortable discussing how their own direction informs the work.
Vague references to "years of ministry experience" without formal training in spiritual direction specifically, or defensiveness about the question.
How do you approach working with someone from a different faith tradition — or no tradition at all?
Spiritual direction is not spiritual instruction. A director's job is to help you attend to your own spiritual experience, not to guide you toward theirs. Whether you're Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, spiritual-but-not-religious, or actively questioning everything — a qualified director can work with you.
This question surfaces whether the director has a doctrinally narrow framework they'll impose on you, or whether they genuinely have the training and capacity to follow where you're going — regardless of your tradition.
Describes their own tradition with honesty, then explains how they hold that lightly and work within the directee's framework. References experience with people outside their own tradition. Comfortable with agnosticism, doubt, or interfaith backgrounds.
Implies that their tradition is the framework for the sessions, or suggests your spiritual experience should be filtered through their theology. Even well-intentioned directors can do real harm here.
What does a typical session look like, and how is this different from therapy?
This question does two things: it helps you understand the format, and it surfaces whether the director has clear role boundaries. Spiritual direction and therapy overlap in important ways — both involve deep listening, both address interior life — but they're distinct, and a qualified director should be able to articulate the difference clearly.
A typical session lasts 45–60 minutes, begins and ends with some form of reflective pause, and centers on what's alive in your spiritual life right now. The director asks questions; they don't advise. They reflect; they don't direct you toward particular conclusions. The pace is slow, the focus is interior, and the agenda belongs to you.
Can describe their session structure clearly, articulates the distinction from therapy without dismissing therapy, and is honest about what spiritual direction is not designed to address (e.g., trauma processing, mental health diagnosis).
Sessions that sound more like coaching, advice-giving, or spiritual instruction than reflective companionship. Or a director who conflates their role with a therapist's and claims to address clinical issues they're not qualified for.
Do you have experience with [your specific concern or life situation]?
This is the most personalized question on the list. Whatever brought you to spiritual direction — grief, a faith crisis, a major life transition, discernment about vocation, doubt, end-of-life questions, spiritual dryness — ask whether they have experience accompanying people through that specifically.
You're not looking for a specialist who only works with one type of person. You're assessing whether your situation is familiar territory or uncharted for them. A director who has walked alongside people through grief will hold that experience differently than one who hasn't.
Honest about what they have and haven't encountered in their practice. Specific about what they've accompanied before. If the area is outside their experience, says so directly and either explains how they'd approach it or refers you appropriately.
Vague reassurance that they can "work with anything" without engaging the specifics of what you're describing. Or claiming expertise in clinical trauma when they're not a licensed clinician.
What are your fees, session frequency, and how do we handle scheduling or cancellations?
This is practical, but it matters. Spiritual direction is typically monthly (unlike therapy, which is often weekly). Fees vary widely depending on the director's background and location — expect $50–$150/session in most markets, though many directors use a sliding scale.
Ask what happens if you need to pause the relationship, how they handle missed sessions, and whether there's flexibility if your needs or budget change. The logistics reveal how the director thinks about the relationship and whether they're running a sustainable, professional practice.
Clear, direct, and without awkwardness about money. Has a sliding scale or is transparent about why they don't. Explains the scheduling rhythm and what commitment looks like. The fees are stated plainly on their booking page or shared openly when asked.
Evasiveness about cost, or a director who makes you feel guilty for asking about fees. Financial transparency is a basic professional norm.
What Good Answers Have in Common
The best answers to all five questions share a few qualities: they're specific (not vague), they're honest about limits (not claiming universal competence), and they reflect a person who has done their own interior work (not just accumulated credentials).
A spiritual director who is genuinely formed for this work will welcome these questions. They know that good fit matters more than credentials alone, and they have no interest in taking on a directee who isn't well-matched for what they offer. If a director is defensive or evasive about any of these questions, that's information.
One more thing to trust: After asking these questions, check in with yourself. Did talking with this person make you feel seen, or managed? Did you feel free to be honest, or slightly on guard? The relational quality of the initial conversation is a strong predictor of what the relationship will actually be like. Don't override that data.
How Joyce Answers These Questions
If you're considering Chaplain Joyce for spiritual direction, you deserve to know upfront: she holds a Board Certified Chaplain credential, completed formal theological training including clinical pastoral education, and has years of experience in hospital and private practice settings. She works with people across faith traditions and those with none. She's practiced at accompanying grief, life transitions, spiritual crises, and end-of-life questions.
Spiritual direction sessions are $75, held monthly (or adjusted to your needs), and available in-person in San Diego or remotely. The fees are listed on the booking page without ambiguity. If you want to speak before booking, the intake form is the right first step — Joyce will follow up personally to make sure the fit is right.
You might also find it useful to read what spiritual direction actually is before reaching out, or to explore how it differs from therapy if you're still sorting that question.